London’s techno sensation LEG PUPPY strikes again.
This time he has an irresistible offer for all you social media
junkies out there. His proposition: “I am a social media expert.
Grow your profile with 2k followers for 20 US dollars.”
Attractive, right? You can contact the Puppy expert righthere.
Good luck, I hope you all become online celebrities.
Anyway, Leg Puppy, while getting scandalously rich, has another sonic
smokescreen for his identity out called, yes indeed, YOUR PROFILE IS DOPE.
It’s technotastic, like a synth-manic-Kraut-dance-snorter going on like forever
and ever. Think Chemical Brothers remixing Kraftwerk.
Now here’s my proposition: just forget about all that shitty followers crap. Buy this dope track. Make Leg Puppy rich for his real expertise. Trust me,
he’s worth every penny.
Social media is the new coke, Leg Puppy is the new dope.
Sorry, it’s Monday, I have a weekend hangover, and
I’m too lazy to write a review of this new remix of an
old remix of the original mix by the remix champions LEG PUPPY with the help of remixer Henri Sizaret.
But I’ll give you this…
All info
Track: Kinky Emoji (Hot Hot Hot) Produced by LegPuppy & Exire Remixed by Aka – Henri Sizaret
Mixed and mastered by Exire
Why: Let’s be honest, who needs a remixed album by Leg Puppy? Me and you and a dog named Boo, as long as the puppy panderemix
roars its ugly head.
Sounds like: Lucy in the Leg Puppy sky with diamonds / Dillinger’s cocaine
running around our puppy brain played at il-leg-aly speed / Taking a leg on
the vicious puppy side / Brown Leg Sugar with Mother’s little puppy helpers /
Poor paycheck painkillers / Cigarettes and puppy alcohol / White Brexit rabbits /
Snoopy puppie vibes and chemical brothers thrills /
It was really a bad year for me-myself-and-I megalomaniacs. First Donald Duck Trumpet was dumped by the American people because he didn’t make the land of opportunities great again – the sociopath split it right down the middle – and now Bojo the Clown is bumped by LEG PUPPY, the underground Joker mouthpiece for the British fuck-you-Boris movement.
To avoid fake misunderstandings LEG PUPPY just issued an official statement. According to the puppies the honorable Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is a BIG POSH PRICK.
For further explicit details check this last pick of the day of the year 2020…
I love the smell of rock and roll.
Here come Turn Up The Volume’s
20 Knockout Tracks of 2020.
Nothing but the best! Hands down!
1. ‘State Of The Union’ byPUBLIC ENEMY (Long Island, New York)
Time to get up and leave the White House, Donald Dumped. You split the USA right down the middle, you’re a disgrace for America, for humanity and the whole wide world. GO!
Unprecedented, demented, many president’d / Nazi Gestapo dictator defended / State of the Union, shut the fuck up / Sorry ass motherfucker / Stay away from me / State of the Union,
shut the fuck up…
2. ‘Ultra Plus Ultra’ by ELEFANT (Belgium)
The Belgian sound-exploring motherrockers unleashed their second stupefying album Behajung early this year with Ultra Plus Ultra‘ as one of the dazzling highlights.
A schizophrenic sonic blast with balls. Abso-fucking-lutely cool! VREE WIJS! You betcha!
3. ‘Hot Slick’ byPINS (Manchester, UK)
A hot stuff disco stomper that should be played in all discotheques around the globe,
from one of the coolest gangs on the planet. Bad girls forever. Title track from their swirling party album. Saturday night pins fever all the way!
4. ‘Under The Spell Of Joy’ by DEATH VALLEY GIRLS (Los Angeles)
Sickly sticky like first-class glue. With an angelic choir, feet-tapping drum beats, sweaty
sax flames and a mental finale. Yes, it’s Death Valley Girls en-joy-ing themselves in a new sonic zone. Don’t resist the spell! From the rad, same titled full length.
5. ‘I Found Out’ by OFFWORLD (UK) Hard-Fi‘s frontman Richard Archer and imposing vox Krysten Cummings realized a high-powered tour de force. An epic heart and soul explosion! TOP! Waiting for the album!
6. ‘Never Ever Ever’ by BOA Vs COBRA (Belgium)
Don’t mess with charismatic frontwoman Sandy Fee who rants unambiguously about a toxic relationship from the very start when ‘Bad bad bad boy‘ bursts out of your speakers. The decibels turn up when the ablaze chorus kicks in. Stunning uppercut!
7. ‘American Dream’ by TOKYO TABOO (London, UK)
A steamy stunner with an explosive in-your-orange-face-intro, kick-starting this
clamorous jackhammer instantly with a titanic wall-of-blazing-riff hurly-burly and deafening percussion slams. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hey Mr President
You’re just a joke
Kids dodging bullets
World’s up in smoke
8. ‘Sweet’ by PORRIDGE RADIO (UK)
A towering loudQUIETloud haymaker with Margolin‘s repeating magnetically ‘I’m charming, I’m sweet and she will love me when she meets me‘. Emotive belter from the band’s excellent album Every Bad. Porridge Radio is on its way to world domination! Capeesh??
9. ‘Mr. Motivator’ by IDLES (Bristol, UK)
A riff-roaring ripper made to start crowded moshpits at gigs (for now you need to pirouette yourself bananas at home). A red-hot-blooded corker that does your head in. Hells Bells! Album: Ultra Mono.
10. ‘A Hero’s Death’ by FONTAINES D.C. (Ireland) ‘Life isn’t always empty ‘ states frontman Grian Chatten in his characteristic parlando
flow while the band grooves non-stop. Album:A Hero’s Death.
11. ‘Dark Blue’ by THROWING MUSES (California)
A firm banger driven by a solid beat with a pounding guitar groove, Kristin Hersh‘s characteristic sensual voice, and a catchy polyphonic chorus. Throwing Muses rocks!
From the band’s highly acclaimed longplayer Sun Racket…
12. ‘The Rise And Fall Of America’ byTHE MOODS (Manchester, UK)
A crystal clear stream of cutting lines as sharp as a brand-new Swiss knife. It’s The Moods‘ towering take on the bombastic American National Anthem. They rock, roar and rage. The Moods kick ass! Go home Donald Duck Trumpet!
13. Psychopath’s Monologue by THE CHRONICLES OF MANIMAL AND SAMARA
A 2020 Apocalypse Now Odyssey. It all starts enigmatically with Samara reciting her Dante’s Inferno inspired poem in a haunting foreplay tone until Manimal shows up and all metallic hell breaks loose. Learn more about this year’s most intriguing act in their interview with Turn Up The Volume righthere.
14. ‘Paycheck’ by LEG PUPPY
A dizzy disco-ball drone making you jump up and down like a kangaroo on E. It goes bang, bang, bang, and bang with crazy duet vocals all over it and that psych-o-delic surf guitar riff that messes up your mind the way you like it. Dance floor blast. PAY THEM!
15. ‘A Reason To Celebrate’ by bdrmm (Hull, UK)
Delightful shoegaze rainbow. Like a nightingale symphony waking you up in the morning. From – yes, ladies and gents – the best debut LP of the year with Bedroom.
16. ‘Out Of The Shadows’ by GREAT HARE (Sweden)
From the stimulating intro on you’ll tap your feet, without even noticing it. This is the wake-up-call I want to hear when I can’t get out of my bed in the morning. You simply can’t resist this shot of adrenaline. This is what elevating pop is all about.
. 17. ‘Man Of Chaos’ by FLIGHT ATTENDANT (Nashville, US)
A feverish cracker and jaw-dropping power slam. The sensual, magnetic, and spellbinding vocals create a sort of delirious trance. And when, unexpectedly, bouncy strings kick in as a harbinger for a vibrant finish you’ll reach a sonic orgasm.
18. ‘Rainbow Records’ by OCEANOGRAPHY (Oakland, CA)
Glorious guitar pop stonker getting your aural attention from the get-go with a repetitive riff sticking immediately. Inflammable passion, scintillating ardency, and vehement fervor. Big tune, big sentiments and a big voice reminding me of Greg Dulli‘s imposing vocals at times.
. 19. ‘Maggot Line’ by THE BATTERY FARM (Manchester, UK) “We all gonna die and it’s our fault.” This is not just a punk slogan. It’s the fucking truth. Middle-finger to all those buffoons who ignore global warming, corona and The Battery Farm. NO MERCY!
20. ‘No Rock Save In Roll’ by CORNERSHOP (UK)
A rattling Stones-esque garage rocker with an unstoppable groove that makes you
want to jump in the street and have a sweet little dance (with mouth mask on).
Five reasons why you should read this Q & A with masked clowns… LEG PUPPY
1. They fabricate illegal 24-hour party music for illegal raves at illegal dance basements 2. They move and groove like spaced-out monkeys on a, b, c, d, E and circus acid 3. The Federal Bureau of Intesticides, short for FBI have an inside file on these outsiders 4. They re-defined the meanings of sarcasm, cynism and visual humour in puppy rock 5. They are the new Baader-Meinhof punks, ready to kidnap Boris Johnson
Oh, and they are the messed-up authors of the danm-bloody-best mind-alternating-disco-inferno-paycheck-hit of this crackdown year…
Hello Puppy Simon…
Who or what is LEG PUPPY?
“I am Leg Puppy, you are Leg Puppy, we are Leg Puppy. And a non-pretentious answer: me and whoever else is around for the ride, best mates, fans or basically stealing musicians from other bands.
Simon is our main clown. I have to mention him otherwise he won’t read the article unless he’s in it. Love you, Simon. Plus, a big mention to my producer Exire. Who is a real, special talent? He’s definitely the 5th or 38th Puppy.”
What secrets are hidden behind those big corona proof masks?
“Now that would be telling, there’s definitely a lot of secrets, all hidden within my lyrics.”
Why has the FBI a file on you, guys?
“I once rang them up and shouted ‘Call the FBI’ in my best Columbo voice, they’ve been on our case ever since. It might also have something to do with the 2000 Leg Puppy balloons we sent them.”
New single PAYCHECK is about money I suppose.
So how many did LEG PUPPY earned this year?
“As we are the biggest band in the world called Leg Puppy, the offers came flooding in.
So much so, like the KLF before us, we got paid 1 million pounds, although this wasn’t
in actual money, it was in Orange Squash. We wrote a book about pouring the whole lot down the plughole. KLF’s lawyers have been in touch.
Tells us how to do rave safely in these unsafe times,
cause you have A GUIDE TO SOCIAL DISTANCING?
“Lock down your aerials, pump up your slippers, get a few balloons,
and party like it’s 2020.”
A new album is waiting in the pipeline. What sort of hullabaloo can we expect?
“We actually have 3. But the next one is ‘A guide to social remixing’. Everyone is basically
sick of the term social distancing now, so we thought we’d milk that album and put out a remix one. We’ve got some killer remixes with the likes of Rocket Recordings band Gnoomes, Dicepeople, 1i2c & AKA (the best electronic artist not to be on Mute Records). The Kinky Emoji remix is just way too hot and will no doubt be played in every strip bar this side of Croydon.”
Suppose you were asked to rewrite and put new music to the British Royal Anthem ‘God Save The Queen’. No restrictions whatsoever. What would be the outcome, in sound and vision?
“What a brilliant question. I actually sampled ‘God Save the Queen’ but played it in reverse on Corgi Stop, a track of our new album. Actually, I’m talking crap, it was ‘Land of Hope and Glory’. I’d love to do a Clown mob video. Get loads of us in clown masks wiggling. Outside number 10 or Buckingham Palace.”
Do the wiggle, folks…
A lot of musicians came up with a cover of another artist’s song during
these bizarre times. Which one would you pick to trash and smash?
“Cool answer: ‘What about us’ by The Fall. Real answer: ‘Biology’ by ‘Girls Aloud’.”
Boris Johnson: should he stay or should he go?
“Corgi Stop from our album Non Disclosure Agreement translates Stop Boris. He’s a big
posh sod with plumbs in his mouth. And I recently wrote a track called ‘Fuck Boris’. Here’s
a snippet. ‘His name is Boris he’s an arrogant prick, he went to Eton and he sucks his own dick, Fuck Boris!’ I wrote that to go with our 2019 track Nominate 10. We were going to perform this version live only. Then something happened in the world, can’t remember what it was now.”
. Donald Trump or Elvis Presley?
“In a glory hole? Prob Trump as I’m not
sure Elvis’s would still work.”
THE KLF or EMERSON, LAKE and PALMER?
“I’ve never really been a Robert Palmer fan. Could a stage take
all the KLF’s money and our OJ? It would be Rick n Roll mayhem.”
What was the worst track and the worst album you heard in 2020,
except your own music?
“Anything by The 1975, I don’t get it. They won a Brit award. How did this happen?”
1975 was an awful year…
The daftest video clip of the past 12 months?
“There’s some dude on Instagram who makes contractions with his head and rubber bands. Forget his name. Headband man maybe? Ah, found him, ‘Janerichsen’ he gets hundreds of comments, I need to get him on board, he’d be a great fit.”
Your favourite mouth mask of this corona year?
“Can we time travel to 2019? Thanks, a friend and I set ourselves a project, to visit every iconic place in London wearing the clown mask. We tried to get into the National Portrait Gallery, but they weren’t having it, so my mate brilliantly came up with this story that she was my carer and it’s my anxiety mask, they fell for it so we walked in absolutely pissing ourselves laughing. There’s some pics on our Instagram.”
Which song will LEG PUPPY play on 31st December at midnight
to annoy the neighborhood?
“‘Selfie Stick Narcissistic Prick’ as no doubt everyone will be sharing photos of
themselves pretending they are having a massively brilliant time when we
know they are lying. Welcome to the age of narcissism by a friend!”
Christmas 2020 will be really weird. Any tips to mess up Xmas Day?
“Stick on Meds and Beer and change the lyrics to ‘Shitmas time is here,
let’s all have a beer’ while bouncing on a balloon.”
Name three promises you WON’T keep in 2021?
“No more dogging.
Stay of social media.
Pump up balloon.”
Thank you for leaving jail to do this interview, Simon P.
Have a great leg Xmas and a puppy 2021.
Hello, ladies and gents, are you still here?
Here’s your guide to social distancing …
Who: The inventors of the mouth masks (and the coronavirus)
Sound: Bleeps and beets for science-fiction addicts. Chemical techno vibes to dig your
own hole to. House music for the whole family eating cold turkey on Jesus’ birthday. Leftfield waves for sex maniacs who lost control. Disco tunes for the wicked. Hip-hop
for kangaroos suffering from depression. Vibrations for 24-Hour Party People.
If you look like wackos, dress like wackos, walk like wackos and sound like wackos
then you must be LEG PUPPY, those wackos from South London, originally formed amongst a backdrop of bingo callers, haunted rickety hotels, dancing goats and clown worshipers. Hallelujah, brothers and sisters!
But as long as they deliver the wacko goods, they’ll be my favorite wackos.
Their new disco-ball drone called PAYCHECK (When the fun stops, stop!) makes
you jump up and down like a monkey on drugs. It goes bang, bang, bang, and bang
with crazy duet vocals all over it and that sickly sticky surf guitar riff is the perfect glue
for this knockout dance floor killer. Lockdown blues? The fun isn’t over until it’s over
with these glorious wackos. Legs up. Party time!
Take my money
Make a bet
Sell my soul
The odds are set
Take my house Take my wife Take my car Take my life Take my pay check
Five new firecrackers to bang-up your favorite 48 hours…
‘Under The Spell Of Joy’ by DEATH VALLEY GIRLS (Los Angeles)
I just love this!! Big choir, booming beats, far-out sax, titanic tune, crazy finale. Surprise, surprise. It’s Death Valley Girls. Yes, the coolest graveyard garage rock band on the planet used to put a nightmarish spell on you, not one of joy. Listen up, you’ll love this too! FUN!
‘Moment In The Sun’ by SUNFLOWER BEAN
The NYC darlings return with a perfect piece of passionate pop. By far the best thing
they ever put on record, to my ears. Funky, sparkling, and sickly sticky. A 24-Karat hit!
‘7 Seconds’ by PORRIDGE RADIO (Brigthon,UK)
Earlier this year this amazing Dana Margolin fronted band released their contender-for-best-album-of-the-year tour de force Every Bad and they shine again on this brand new catchy stunner.
‘Get Famous’ by THE MOUNTAIN GOATS (North Carolina, US)
This steamy horns driven stroke compresses the Mountain Goats’ fervor into
a backhanded benediction, a three-minute pop entreaty to reach for the stars.
Their new album ‘Getting Into Knives‘ arrives 23rd October via Merge Records.
Never heard of South London’s LEG PUPPY? Here’s what they say about themselves:
“Originally formed amongst a backdrop of bingo callers, haunted rickety hotels, dancing
goats and clown worshipers. The electro-psych/multi-media outfit, offer a satirical attack
on the modern world. A complete DIY multi-media band, designing all sleeves, graphics, backdrops, videos and art installations”
Some compare them to the legendary THE KLF, the anti-music-business fanatics,
not only know for their raving dance-techno crackers but also infamous for burning 1 million pounds once upon a time. FACT!
Anyway, Leg Puppy shared – only via Spotify a reworked version of their classic 2018
blockbuster called MEDS AND BEER. Rumour goes the misfits received 1 million pounds from Spotify for that exclusivity. Rumour also goes that they not gonna burn the cash but put it in their pockets and fly to a tax haven. Yes, that’s what greedy capitalists do, folks!
WARNING: Don’t let them fool you with their hallucinating knockout tunes. That’s what they do. Making ass-kicking music that brainwashes your poor mind without leaving traces. Run! Run Run!
One more thing. You’ll hear, on repeat, on this ripper their fake motto: THERE’S NO NEED TO FEAR. Lie, big lie, ladies and gents! Read my lips: Do Not Trust LEG PUPPY. Do Fear These Psychos! I’m warning you one last time. Do not listen to Meds and Beer below on Spotify and do not watch the video of the original version. Capisce?
Do not listen…
. Do not watch…
Ps: I must admit there’s one positive thing to say about these zombies.
They wear the coolest anti-coronavirus mouth masks I’ve seen so far. FACT!
